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Jan Moir in ‘cash for bitching’ outrage

September 29, 2010

*Links to Mail articles in this blog do not go directly to the Mail Online. They are routed through which means your clicks won’t generate extra hits or ad revenue for them.*  UPDATE:  Unfortunately, all posts on this blog have had to be changed back to direct to Mail links, due to the Mail threatening Istyosty with legal action if their brilliant proxy service was not taken down.

Jan Moir is the female Richard Littlejohn. I don’t know if she would think that to be a compliment, and, quite frankly, I don’t care. Last year, Moir wrote a particularly nasty column on the death of Stephen Gately which was subsequently dissected by Charlie Brooker in The Guardian: Why there was nothing ‘human’ about Jan Moir’s column on the death of Stephen Gately (I won’t be linking to her original piece for reasons of taste and public decency).

Sadly, Jan Moir continues to be paid ‘cash for bitching’ by The Mail, and today has decided to put the boot in to Justine Thornton, partner of Ed Miliband. The Mail has been slightly obsessive about these two ever since Mr Miliband was announced as the new leader of the Labour party, repeating over and over again that, *gasp* they’re not married, and *choke* his name is not on his son’s birth certificate!  Littlejohn has already passed his scathing judgement on this, so Moir has approached it from a slightly different angle.

The column opens with the incredibly patronising header, ‘Clever girl! A new look without breaking the bank.’ Ooh yes, gold star for Justine, although I doubt she dyed her hair or wore a new dress for the benefit of The Mail. Moir’s opening paragraphs are as follows:

[Ed Miliband and Justine Thornton broke with recent Labour tradition yesterday. For a start, Justine remained in the audience as her long-term partner Ed Miliband received a lengthy standing ovation at the party’s conference.

Only later in the hall did they grapple together like sweaty teens at a school dance. Then they attempted a bit of a snog. Yes, horrifying stuff, but we all knew what to expect.

For it was not just Ed Miliband’s big day yesterday. As he took on the leadership mantel, Justine was transformed by a quietly effective makeover. Thank God!]

For those who have yet to see it, this is the ‘transformation’ for which Moir thanks God (who, I’m certain, had absolutely nothing to do with it).

Moir then mentions Justine’s hair, shoes and dress describing it as, “an uncharacteristic pulled-together look that whispered of the professional and hinted at the touch of an expert,” before demolishing her own comment by saying:

[The heavily pregnant Miss Thornton beamed as she arrived at the Labour Party conference ahead of her partner’s landmark speech, her flattering new gamine cut in the style of Harry Potter actress Emma Watson, her chic summery ensemble cobbled together from the High Street.]

Hmm, the ‘cobbled together from the high street’ look, hallmark of professional and expert stylists alike. Moir goes on for a while, seemingly praising Justine’s thrifty spending before contrasting how she looks ‘now’ to how she looked ‘then’:

Back then, Mr and Mrs Akwardly Earnest look like a pair of geeks who had just signed up for a Scientology course.

Ed wore the expression of a distinctly uncomfortable man, while Justine appears to have dressed herself from a North London charity shop.]

I can only assume that Moir dislikes earnest people, ‘geeks’, and those who buy clothes from charity shops.  *adds these to the list of those Moir dislikes*

Having been a total and utter bitch, and don’t forget, she’s being paid for it, Moir also has one of those Mail blue boxes where, yet again, marriage and birth certificates are brought up.

Nobody cares, Jan Moir, except in the weird dystopia of The Mail offices.  The comments on this latest offering bear this out.  First, the worst rated:

I’ll sign off now, and leave you with the best rated comments, which I’m sure you’ll appreciate as much as I did:
One Comment leave one →
  1. September 29, 2010 11:27 pm

    I'm fairly sure that if I proposed on GMTV/Daybreak, my girlfriend would have to say "no" just on principle.

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